So this previous month has been interesting to say the least. I’ve been incredibly busy on the work/school/social front and processing a lot of new emotions as it relates to polyamory. I would apologize for not having kept up with my writing, but I suppose I’ll spare you that.
The long and short of my story is this: Jay and I broke up. Earlier this week. Out of respect for him, and perhaps lacking total clarity myself, I’ll keep the details private. However, I thought this was relevant news. And I thought perhaps writing it out would help me process a little. Up until last weekend I had never broken up or been broken up with in a significant relationship. Right now, I certainly feel like a break up novice which I am simultaneously thankful for and frustrated by. I know there’s no particular way I “should” feel, but my actual emotions are different than I thought they would be. I’ve been told that all I can really do is wait for whatever comes.
Meanwhile, I met someone new about a month ago (I know, I know how it looks. And it’d be disingenuous to claim that these events are totally unrelated. But I will say the cause & effect is not as direct as it might seem). It’s exciting and it’s wonderful to be exploring this new person. Unfortunately, my happiness is amplifying my guilt over the break up. I know I’m not the first one in this situation. History is riddled with relationships ending and new ones beginning, often overlapping or in quick succession. But finding supportive and useful resources on how to handle this from an ethical non-monogamy perspective has proven difficult.
Hopefully someday I’ll compile more insight into that topic. For now I suppose I can only heal and wait to see what’s next.
Ice cream please.