Edit: I had this article in the queue and it’s already outdated. Jay has some dates lined up and seems to be doing just fine. Still, I think imbalance is something a lot of poly people struggle with. Sometimes we’re ahead, sometimes we’re behind, and it’s difficult to not let perceived inequities affect our mood.
Polyamory is easy when everyone is happy and are getting their needs met and living in total peace and compersion, jealousy free.
And that almost never is the case.
There was a time about a year ago where Jay had three girlfriends including me and had started a new promising job. I have to admit, I was envious and jealous. I’ve been spinning my wheels at a job I’ve disliked since 2011, and while I was fairly happy with Jay and Richard, I was craving some novelty in my relationships. As much as I wanted to be happy for him, I couldn’t shake my dislike over girl number three, and my resentment over the fact that he was happy and I wasn’t.
And today the situation is nearly reversed. Jay is at a point of struggle, while I feel really content for the first time in a long time (though I still have the same darn job). For both selfish reasons and unselfish ones, I want Jay to be happy. On the me me me side of things I feel a lot of pressure to meet his gap in needs, and don’t have the capacity to actually do so, which is hard for me. And on the unselfish side of things, of course I want my love to be happy because he deserves to be.
It’s weird that I don’t really remember a time where this issue was balanced at all. One or the other has always been behind or ahead, and I know that’s a very poor way to think of it. However, it’s easier said than done than to avoid comparing your life with others, especially of those closest to you.