Compersion is the feeling of happiness at another person’s fortune. It is regarded as the opposite of schadenfreude or jealousy. In the polysphere it’s usually used to refer to situations that may ordinarily make them or another person jealous– most commonly their partner enjoying their time with someone who is not them. For me, compersion is not a common response to these situations. I want my partners to be happy of course. But when things aren’t going well for me, it’s sometimes hard to put my selfishness aside and not indulge in envy or jealousy.
To be clear, in most cases my response to Jay and other partners dating other people is fairly neutral (and Richard doesn’t date other people). I may have a twinge of feelings but it’s typically momentary. Actual gladness, though, is harder to come by.
However, this very weekend I had one such moment. Ironically, I have another blog post in the queue about unequal contentment in polyamorous relationships. And you may remember from my last post that Jay has been struggling a bit. Currently I am his only partner and while I love him to the moon and back, I’m comfortable in saying that that I cannot meet all of his needs. He’s been less than satisfied which has not been an ideal situation for either of us.
So with that context, this weekend was a really good one. We went to a party together which included a lot of poly and alt-lifestyle friends, and we had a great time. At some point I was chatting with a woman whom I had just met and I was really enjoying her company. And then I mentioned something about my boyfriend. She asked if my boyfriend was in attendance and I told her I was dating Jay.
She started gushing about how she had a huge crush on him. I would venture that this is not something most people would admit to their crush’s girlfriend, even in poly- but you guys, I was so excited. I urged her to let him know but she insisted she was too shy, so I asked if I could tell him and she agreed.
Jay was surprised and flattered. At my not-so-subtle encouragement, he promised that he’d chat with her and send her a message. I find myself hoping that something sparks there, almost as if I had my own crush.
To top it off, Jay and I had an amazing night together on Saturday and he had a date with another prospect which went well on Sunday. Next weekend is his birthday and I have some ideas about how to make it special.
I never thought wing-manning for my boyfriend would feel so good.